Communication is difficult in any sphere of life. Among married couples, communication appears to be particularly difficult to learn and maintain. No matter the difficulty, if we desire a healthy and fully functioning marital relationship, we must agree on how we can express our feelings in a mutually respectful and loving manner. Like anything worthwhile, good communication takes study, observation, and practice, practice, practice. Though communication is a lifelong project, the process itself can be simplified by agreeing upon the basic ingredients. It helps me to visualize the essences of communication by highlighting what I have been taught to recognize as the two most important letters in the word “communication”: IC. We don’t have to agree with the person we are exchanging information with, but it is imperative that we are able to say, “I see (IC) what you are saying.” In order for “communication” to take place and for it to contribute in a positive way to a healthy marital relationship, the conversation and dialog must follow the following simple principles:
- learn and practice open communication
- learn and practice opportunistic communication
- learn and practice observable communication
- learn and practice ongoing communication
I will address each of these principles over the next few weeks, placing them in the context of the marital relationship. Though the specific aim will be to share skills with couples that will create a healthy environment for lively marital communication, these principles can be useful to anyone who desires to enhance their ability to receive and transmit personal feelings and pertinent information.